True Craigs list Ads!

Since I am going on my umpteenth apartment in 9 years, I have seen zillions of craigs list real estate ads. I just got a new place in the city, moving in March 31. I looked alot uptown, but just couldn't seem to make that fit. I have always been a downtown girl. This place is in a doorman building, amazing gym and views, totally different from all the funky lofts I lived in. Best of all, the place is actually quiet! It's on the 30th floor.

I thought I would share some of the funniest and most bizarre ads I have seen in recent weeks. There are some seriously bizarre people in this world. (And I thought I was strange.)

So without furthur ado....here goes...and these were actual listings:

****************** www.zentertainment.org*********************************


To let you no I'm a SWM. I am offering free room and board in exchange for Ok I know what I have to offer isn't for everyone and for this I am sorry but what I am offering is for a submissive girl who is just tired of paying rent. I have a studio apt. lower east side . Now I work all the time and am out of town allot so I have no time to fine a girlfriend and I don't like living by my self. What I am looking for is a playful submissive that will exchange her generosity. So if you need to catch up, save money, or just tired of paying rent drop me a line. It could be a good thing for both of us.

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Do You Need an Affordable place to Stay ? 
Unique Situation: Available on / about March 1st, a Man would like to Share his Prime Area, "Hardly There" West Village Studio with a Single and Nice Woman on a full or part time guest basis for now, with the possibility of a long term or permanent arrangement later. The Ideal Candidate should be a Woman, who is Unattached, Compatible and Attractive. Who will be Comfortable with being Known as "My Roommate" in the Building & "My Companion" in the Neighborhood. Willing to stay in daily Communication and Who is Open to whatever the future may bring. From previous experience, Women from about 30 and into & up through their mid 40's, as well as myself, have been the most comfortable with this kind of arrangement. Younger Women & Students have not worked out. However, I am open to any realistic situation that could work. Some Acting Experience would help. No Pets, No Drama, No Addicts, etc., of any kind. Most Importantly, there can be No Lovers of any persuasion ever allowed in the Apartment and/or Building.

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$1 Room for ONE DOLLAR in bright, clean apartment (West Village)


I am looking for someone to rent a spare bedroom in my spacious 2 br apartment. The rent is only $1 per month. While this may seem a glorious opportunity to live in the desirable West Village and still have enough money to pay off your gambling debts, you must read carefully, as this situation is not suitable for all. 

First, you must call me Pierre on Tuesdays, unless that Tuesday falls on an even-numbered date, in which case you must call me Pip. If the Tuesday is both even-numbered and a holiday, you must also paint me a watercolor of a woodland scene, replete with songbirds and a cute deer peeking out from the dense brush. 

Second, you must join me for nightly sing-alongs during which you will accompany on acoustic guitar while wearing a macrame vest and a Guatemalan hat, both of which you must supply yourself. Currently on the playlist: Angie by the Rolling Stones in the key of F-sharp. After six months, we may add a second song to the list. You may not riff, yodel, or otherwise embellish the vocal line in any way. You may NOT simultaneously play the harmonica or knock on the guitar for percussive effect. Light refreshments will be served, at your expense. 

You must feed my parakeets daily. Since I do not own any parakeets, you must obtain several in order that you may feed them. They enjoy sunflower seeds and pine nuts in the exact ratio of 2 to 1 (by nut count, not weight). One parakeet must be named Yellowy and have yellow or yellow-tinged plumage. Hi, Yellowy! Yellowy must already be named Yellowy; you may NOT simply purchase a parakeet and start calling it by that name. And don't think I won't know the difference. 

Moreover, you must read all the ingredients in my foodstuffs to me daily, for all victuals in my kitchen, even for foods I do not plan to eat that day. If you have amusing anectodes about any particular ingredient, you may share them, as long as they do not exceed 500 words. 

Every night, if there are at least three (3) stars visible in the sky (NOT counting any visible planets), you must prepare a mustard plaster and a camphor poultice, which you will then place outside my bedroom door. You will scratch gently at the door to alert me to their presence and then retreat to your chambers. If I open the door and catch sight of you, I will cast you out into the streets and alleys to meet your fate among the wretched of the city. 

If you bring guests home, they must provide photo I.D., samples of their blood, urine, and saliva, and a small, green salad. They must eat the salad while I run the analyses on their fluids. The following diseases are permissible: cholera, typhus, and rabies. The following ailments are NOT: plague, rickets, and scurvy. If your guest is found to have scurvy, they may remain in the apartment as long as they have also brought a small piece of silver for me. 

You must attend my morning lecture at 7:00 a.m. sharp. This morning's lecture, for example, explored the connection between the parliamentary system of government prevalent in European societies and my cataracts. Sometimes I will have a guest speaker. Last month, Henry Kissinger posited the existence of elves who come out at night and smoke the rest of your pot so when you wake up in the morning you can't believe you don't have any pot left 'cause you coulda sworn you had at least one more joint when you went to bed. He received a standing ovation for his presentation as well as the National Award for Excellence in Lectures. 

If you are interested in this living situation, please write an essay detailing your contributions to society. I will be grading you on content as well as style. Spelling counts! 

Thank you. 




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We're a group of cool, chill guys in their 20s. We're all professional poker players and we rented a gorgeous 6 bedroom house in Ventnor [Atlantic City] for the rest of the winter. We're trying to find a cute chick, 18-24 to live there. We'll pay your rent, bills, even your grocery tab if you'll clean up around here and give us back rubs. Nothing perverted! Just take care of us and we'll pay your rent. This is a winter rental, so the offer is only good until the middle of May, but we'll probably move somewhere real close anyway. We're all professional poker players, which means we're more fun than a Thais whorehouse! But we're gentlemen, with heads on our shoulders. No pervs or weirdos here (well no MAJOR pervs!). If you're cute, fun, friendly, and can pick up beer bottles, give me a call. Free 420! Call jim @ 410-300-5182, I almost never answer my phone so leave a message and I'll call you back. PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AND I'LL CALL YOU BACK!!

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live in a 2 bedroom 
apartment that I inherited and now own. I live alone 
in the East Village, and have an empty bedroom and a 
lot of space. I am offering the empty room w/private 
bathroom for only $100 a month. Here is the catch...of 
course there is a catch. I'm a white late 20's guy 
that works in finance. I work A LOT and therefore my 
social life has become nonexistent. So, I want to add 
a little bit of excitement to my life. I would like to 
rent the room to a woman between the age of 18-27. 
You should be a free spirited, liberal minded person 
who is very open minded. I would like you to be a 
slim attractive girl who is OK with occasionally 
walking around or hanging out in her underwear 
<---yes...that would be the slightly crazy part. 

I would never ask you to strip or do anything at all. 
You must be someone who 
occasionally walks around like that and is ok 
with me being around when you do. I know this is a 
strange arrangement, but like I said earlier, I am 
trying to add some exitement to my life:) I am not 
looking for anything to develop into a relationship, 
or to have you start acting like a girlfriend. If you 
are interested, send me an email so I can discuss it 
further with you. There is no sexual contact or 
anything involved. I WOULD NEED THE ARRANGEMENT 
TO BE 100% CONFIDENTIAL. I know that it makes no 
sense to put my pic on here if I want it to be 
confidential, but I figured it was a necessary risk to 
take if I wanted solid responses. If you are 
interested please send me your pic. It does not have 
to be a provocative pic. But a body pic would help. 
The apartment is huge-near St Marks. The kitchen is 
big...very bright living area. The room for rent is 
very big too AND HAS ITS OWN BATHROOM. PLEASE do NOT 
respond by saying "WHY WOULD A GUY AS GOOD LOOKING AS 
YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS". We all have our 
reasons.....Thanks 

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$650 Sitcom-like Share Available (Female Only)


Ok, 

Here's the deal. My name is Lee, and I am an NYU graduate teaching music full time to children in Manhattan. I am also currently studying for the GMAT and preparing to apply to business school. I keep very reasonable hours (up at 6:00 a.m. every day & in bed usually by 10:30 p.m.) 

I live in a gorgeous 700 square foot loft-like fully furnished studio in the beautiful historic waterfront district in Yonkers NY, literally on the Hudson river. The building is actually on a boardwalk with an unobstructed view of the Palisades. It is a 24 minute commute to Grand Central via Metro North, which is located one block from the building. It is a hotel-like 24 hour doorman building with free secure parking, and gym included. The apartment is immaculately outfitted with a 7 foot grand piano, entertainment center, walk in kitchen, and tub/shower combo bathroom. 

Now here's the sitcom part. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years, and she moves out at the end of this month. I am keeping this apartment with or without a roommate, but I thought it would be helpful if I could find someone to help take the edge off the rent, which is $1300. (your portion - $650 includes utilities) The catch is this. We share a bed. That's right. You read correctly. Shared bed. It's a California King size Tempuredic bed, probably big enough for 4 people. I cannot stress enough that I am not interested in romance, nor do I have any intentions of putting the moves on you, no matter how attractive you may be. I have been told I am very attractive myself, so please don't fall in love with me either. 

The only reason I specify the need for a female roommate is that no matter how platonic my intentions, I just can't get into sleeping with a dude. (Not that there's anything wrong with that ! :^) 

Why the shared bed with all that space? The reason is that although a partition could probably be installed somewhere in the space, I love the set-up as is, and would have to sell or give away expensive furnishing to do so. As far as privacy is concerned, I am open to negotiate days or evenings of the months in which we could use the space exclusively, although as I've stated above, I just got out of a long term relationship, and don't plan on bringing anyone home for a while. 

Daily privacy should not be a problem. The bathroom is large enough to get dressed/changed in without feeling any invasion. 

I know this sounds like an episode of Seinfeld, but if you'd like any more information on this unique situation (i.e. my references [work & personal]) and what references you would need to provide, please contact me via e-mail or phone at any time. 

Oh, I also have two cats. They are the friendliest, most well behaved felines in the world, and are presently the loves of my life. The don't pee on anything. So I guess no "cat allergics" need not apply. Additional pets are not welcome. Mancat & Purrbot are very territorial. 

Again, I realize it is an odd situation, but the space and the neighborhood are amazing, and there's nothing that couldn't be worked out. 

No drugs - not even pot. 

Lee 

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